If you are just checking in today after being away for awhile, I encourage you to start with my previous post. I’m working on a three part series about God’s Truthfulness and His work in my life over the past year. This was a talk written for a women’s church series on Jen Wilkin’s book, In His Image. The chapter I am discussing here is “God Most Truthful.”
GOD MOST TRUTHFUL—PART TWO
In my own life, God in all his faithfulness and in his sovereignty has prepared me to speak on this very word. I confess when I was first asked about speaking, I wanted the chapter on faithfulness, but it had already been taken. Instead, I got “God Most Truthful.” It was funny because the week I was asked to speak, I had opened my Bible to the very front and was reminded of a prayer I had penned in June of 2015. It read, “Here’s my heart, Lord. Speak what is true.” And so tonight I have the opportunity to share a story that began with a prayer I prayed three years ago. A story that led to the prayer written in my Bible and many other prayers centered around praying God’s Word.
Three years ago this June, my husband and I and our three little children vacationed in Hawking Hills with his family for a long weekend. I committed my life to Christ when I was in college and God in His graciousness had me at a place where I was hungering for His Word in ways I never before had. And yet, as I buried myself in the gospel of John that summer, it was clear to me something was missing. I knew in my heart that I wanted to give Him everything—that He wanted my everything—but there was something stopping me. A very real and deep fear. I had always been desperately afraid of suffering. When I would pray I would guard my prayers—“Dear God, please help me with this situation, but don’t let it turn out this way—don’t let it be too hard.” Really what I wanted was a God who would give me what I wanted, when I wanted. A God who would make it all about me.
But on that long weekend away, as my Bible lay open to the Gospel of John during my morning devotion time with the Lord, outside, alone—just me and God and the birds and the trees—I felt so overwhelmed by the Spirit that it was finally time—and so I did it. I lowered my head and prayed: God, I surrender. I give you my whole life.
That was on a Monday. That Wednesday I sat in a doctor’s office where I explained to a neurologist the severe and very odd numbness and tingling I had been experiencing all over my body. While I had dismissed it completely for months—“Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing—just some lower back issues from having twins”--, others in my life did not see it as quite so insignificant. And so I sat there—mouth open, tears streaming, completely stunned—as the neurologist told me he strongly suspected Multiple Sclerosis.
In a moment my world had been rocked. Now it was a numbness on the inside that had me reeling. In the moment of desperation, I needed to get away—to talk to God, and so I drove to a quiet street, parked the car and literally cried out: Why?
And in that moment I turned in my Bible to the gospel of John where I had been studying earlier that day. And I was at John 9—and He answered me—not with audible words but with the Word of God: John 9:1-3…
“As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”
And I knew: this happened so the works of God might be displayed in me.
The next day, as I was laying down to go to bed, I leaned over and scribbled in my Bible with the best handwriting I could muster despite my tingling hands, the lyrics to my favorite I am They Song: “Here’s my heart Lord, speak what is true.”
On Friday, the neurologist called me back: “I don’t generally do this over the phone…” he said, “but, yes, I’m 100% sure, you have MS.”
It began with a calling to pray: I surrender.
And it continued with a prayer: Why?
And then the Word of God became my prayer: “This happened so the works of God might be displayed in me.”
And I knew then that that verse was Truth, and I believed by God’s amazing grace that it would be true in my life. There was great peace in trusting His Word. I struggled much those first two years and still do, facing a severe fatigue that goes on for weeks, sometimes months at a time among many other life style changes. And yet that Scripture remained at the forefront of my conversations with people. He fulfilled that Scripture in my life two years later in a very public way—He put those Scriptures on the front page of the Sunday newspaper. He shared my story on MS and God’s faithfulness through it all. He allowed thousands of people to “see the works of God displayed in me”—that somehow, someway I could view MS as a blessing. He allowed me to start a blog to share and hopefully comfort people in their walks with suffering. And He is still working out that truth in my life, as evidenced by me sharing this story with you today. His Word could not be untrue. And, oh, how I pray that He has been glorified.
Looking back, I can see great purpose in the fulfillment of this Scripture prayer in my life. I believe God allowed these events and several others related to other Scriptures I was praying at the time to grow in me a deep love of His Word and most importantly, a belief that He really is God most truthful. I believe He needed me to know and believe in His truthfulness because He was preparing me for future battles…