I want to thank you for your prayers, dear reader. This week I received wonderful news: the MRI results came back with NO NEW LESIONS!!! This is the best news we've had in two years and the very first MRI to come back without any new developments. This means the Tysabri is helping to stop new lesions from forming, and I am more than overjoyed at this. PRAISE BE TO GOD!!!
I confess when I prayed about these MRIs--when I prayed that there would be nothing new--there was a part of me that thought, If there's nothing new maybe that means I can go back to what it was before. Maybe I can push through even more.
I later realized that in not so many words what I was really hoping for was this: Maybe I won't feel so weak, so broken. Maybe I can feel like I'm in control again.
But I see now, more than ever, that what that means is being farther from my God. What I have learned more than anything in this process is a reliance on my heavenly Father. What I have been given is a reminder that this is not my home, that this is a broken world in need of a Savior. And that if I can share this story with just one person to help them know Jesus, then this is a gift in its own right. So I prayed heading in for the Lord's will and not my own. I prayed He would know the desire of my heart but that I would desire His will first. It may sound noble and strong, but I want you to know that it was not. The weeks leading up to this MRI and the week of waiting for the results have been hard--filled with moments of doubt and frustration and more reminders of how weak my faith can be.
And when I asked the doctor about the very hard times--the undeniable fatigue that plagues me at times--I was gently reminded that the Tysabri is stopping new lesions from forming but that I still have MS and all the symptoms that come with it.
It was a reminder I needed.
But ultimately, I left there in awe of the unbelievable and undeniable mercies of our Father. When the nurse asked me how I'd been feeling, I told her there has been about an 8 week period this late winter and early spring that I have experienced some very real relief. It has been the best I've felt in two years. And when she asked what it was I'd done differently in that time I told her the only thing that came to mind: I just know I've been covered in prayer.
So I thank you, dear reader, from the bottom of my heart for your prayers. And I praise the God in heaven who hears them and so mercifully answers.
I ask for your continued prayers: for a heart that seeks the Lord, for the fatigue heading into the heat of the summer and that I might remain JC negative (a virus that could potentially force me off my current medication) so that I can remain on Tysabri.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow!