Contentment

“Neither go back in fear and misgiving to the past, nor in anxiety and forecasting to the future, but lie quiet under His hand, having no will but His.”

(from Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow)

The weather this past week was a gift. It smelled like spring—I was careful to breathe deeply—to allow the fresh air to permeate the insides of my body. I wanted it to linger. I relished the blue sky, bike rides, football in the yard, short sleeves, and even a few skinned knees and boo-boos (poor Peyton!).  

More than anything, however, I relished the way I felt. I told someone on Friday, “I honestly don’t think I’ve felt this well in two years. I feel like a million bucks!”

And I did.

For a moment, I felt like I was the old me again.

As I venture along this journey with MS, I’m learning as I go. I know with certainty the humidity is an energy zapper. It comes in the night and steals the life out of me. But the cold—let’s just say I’ve never given it much weight. I’m discovering it has more power than I thought.

This week of mid-sixties, no humidity and no freezing cold has been such a blessing in the heaviness of Ohio’s winter. It was a perfect reminder of God’s love for us. I don’t think I could possibly have ever appreciated or found so much joy in a week like this before I had MS. Don’t get me wrong—I would have enjoyed it. But I can’t say I would have soaked it in—thanked the God in heaven for an inch of blue sky or a glimpse of sunshine the way I do now.

Last night I listened as the cold returned—the thunder pounded and the wind delivered the bitterness back on our doorstep. Along with it came a certain heaviness in my own body, a jolt back to reality. But I have been challenged recently in terms of CONTENTMENT. This is not a word our culture likes—in fact, it is a word that would bring with it mention of weakness and potential mediocrity. But when we look at life through the lens of Scripture, we see a God who desires us to “give thanks in all circumstances,” to submit to the will of our Father. To TRUST in a God that knows more than we do and loves us more than we could every possibly love Him.

So I choose to thank God for the light of this past week, for a week of reprieve and rest. And I choose to thank Him for today, for the return of cold weather and a reality check on my body and the reminder of the brokenness of this world.

I pray for a heart of contentment and one of thankfulness to a God who makes the sun shine and the clouds move. I am reminded in the Gospel of Mark: “Even the wind and waves obey him!” (Mark 4:41).

Even the weather is a gentle reminder that as much as I may desire it, I am not the old me. I do have MS and it is the portion the Lord has assigned. While I pray for healing and a cure, I also pray for contentment--to give thanks in what the Lord has given me and to see the ways He has used it to draw myself and others closer to Him.