As the saying goes, “when it rains, it pours.” About two weeks ago I backed into a rock (had to go up over a curb to find it—oh, yes, Brian was thrilled!) and put a small hole in the back of our bumper. The same day, the sliding door on the van broke. While it was at the shop being repaired, the spring on the garage door snapped and we couldn’t get it to go up (gotta look for those blessings in disguise—at least the van wasn’t parked in the garage!). Of course, it wasn’t just the spring that needed fixed—the whole door needs replaced!
Sometimes it seems like these ordeals come all at once—they bombard us like a storm that blows in without warning. I think that’s how I feel about MS.
About two weeks ago, I had a flare up with my MS. Simply put—my bowl was empty—I ran out of pennies, as Bonnie would say. The physical toll is both immediate and long term. That evening my hands and arms returned, my legs became heavy and balance was an issue. And while these symptoms ease with rest and return only in spurts, the severe fatigue has yet to leave.
It’s my storm in its own right, and lately it feels like it hasn’t just been raining—it’s been pouring. The flu hit the Allerding household this week, too, knocking me down just that much more.
With the physical also comes the emotional… . This flare up has been just like backing into that rock in the parking lot. A jolt. A reminder. Scary. And I feel like I’m the garage door. I need more than a quick fix.
I am reminded I need my Savior, the good and Great Physician.
In the midst of all this, we attended the funeral of our dear friend, Patty Lemon. It was a beautiful ceremony and at the end, they played the song “It Is Well.” It is one of the songs I wrote about on my very first blog posts. It is a song that will always take me back to the initial diagnosis. When I heard it, I sobbed…tears of joy for Patty. That her mountain has been thrown into the sea. That it is truly well with her soul. That she rests with her Savior now in heaven.
But it reminded me also of the reality of my own life and my resistance to the Holy Spirit’s call as I am sanctified in this storm called MS. So I pray that I will not be bitter or angry or afraid. I pray that I will TRUST, that I will rejoice, that I will pray, that I will give thanks.
TRUST…that my eyes will be “ever toward the Lord” (Psalm 25:15).
As the song so beautifully puts it,
Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see
And this mountain that's in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
And I pray that it might be so... .